"Social Experiment: Part Four"

Here is the latest in my ongoing Social Experiment.

"Social Experiment: Part Four"

Here is the continued documentation of my ongoing social experiment.


-How To Catch Someone In A Lie:
Ever think someone is lying to you, and you just are not sure how to call them out on it. Well here is your guide to doing just so.
1. Ask Questions. And ask a lot of them. The more questions you ask the more they have to lie. It is a good test, if they are telling the truth they will be able to answer questions easily. If it gets more and more ridiculous then you know they are just a liar. However, if they read Social Experiment: Part Two, then they will easily be able to maneuver away from this ploy.
2. The Liar Cough. Ever hear the phrase, "it's so crazy, it just might work?" Well, that is what I think about this one. If you think someone is telling a lie then just discreetly cough and say the word liar at the same time. They will hear you say liar, but you can argue it is a cough. They will now know that you know they are a liar and will probably cut the bullshit rather than to try and get out of it and argue. In their mind they will be saying to themselves, "I can't believe I just got liar coughed, I need to read Social Experiment: Part Two and learn how to get people to believe what I'm saying."
3. Reciprocate. Think someone is lying? Tell them an equal lie right back in the middle of their story. For example, if someone is telling you they drank 30 beers in a night, and you know that it cannot be true. Stop them and say, "I drank 30 beers last night, too, and I didn't even get drunk." In telling an equal lie, with a little twist, they will realize that they are not going to get anything by you and will probably tell you the truth rather than exagerate. This works especially good for the exaggerated lie, as it can bring your assailant back to earth. If you are not a good liar and are not sure how to reciprocate then check out Social Experiment: Part Two for more information.
4. Walk Away. This is not as subtle as the Liar Cough, but is still pretty effective. As you begin to realize a lie is being sent your way, simply say nothing and turn and walk away. Do not acknowledge anything your assailant says for at least 2 full minutes to ensure they are not going to try and convince of what they are saying is true. The walk away is the most effective way to not hear a lie, although it could ruin a conversation in a social situation. This method is for someone who has no interest in playing along and is recommended only for extenuating circumstances. WARNING: Do Not Abuse the use of the walk away. I cannot stress this enough, this move is for professionals only. If you have not read Social Experiment: Part Two or any of my other installments DO NOT ATTEMPT THE WALK AWAY. It could lead to a complete social breakdown and friends and loved ones could be lost.

That's all for now. Enjoy catching people in a lie and stop yourself from getting duped. If you do not want to be the dupee, you should be well on your way. If you'd like to be the duper, then check out Social Experiment: Part Two. You'll be duping dupees in no time.


Quote of the Day: "Remember when the new Star Wars movie came out? It was all built up, and when people finally saw it, it wasn't that great in bed?" JD, to Alex, his new girlfriend, on the TV show Scrubs, on them finally sleeping together
Song of the Day: "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega

New Year's Resolutions

Note: the fantasy page may have been confusing, I will update and make it clearer, but please try and participate.

Most people make New Year's Resolution TO NOT do something for a year. I decided to pick up some habits for the upcoming year.

My New Year's Resolutions

1. Go to Starbucks and buy coffee. Make it a routine.
2. Buy a pack of Marlboro Reds. Get addicted.
3. Cut down on soda. Let me clarify. Cut down on soda restrictions.
4. Stop reading words entirely all together. Attempt to become illiterate.
5. jksafnmpm saodmas d aopsmd .
6. That last one was a joke stemming from #4.
7. Come up with a new curse word. Use it as often as possible.
8. Try something new. Again, let me clarify. Try something new that is detrimental to my health.
9. Exercise more. Clarification: Exercise my right to be lazy more.

That should do it. I'll be dead by 2012, but then again, so will everybody else.


Song of the Day: "New Slang" by The Shins
Quote of the Day: "I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it." -JD, in the first season of Scrubs

FANTASY!!!

Fantasy Fantasy

Love fantasy sports? Want more? Here is my new Fantasy game.

Your team will consist of the following: Yourself, 1 Day of the Week, 1 Food Item, and 1 Joke.

Each week you can choose a new team.

Example:

Team Briaries

B-ri
Saturday
Pizza
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
(He had no BODY to dance with)

Stat categories are different for each member of your team.
(Note: Strong reliance on the honor system)

Yourself: For every time you check briaries.blogspot.com you receive 1 point (max: once a day). Every time you complete a task on Saturday Night Mission Night you receive 3 points. For every time you post a comment on a blog post you receive 2 points (max: once per post). For every time you listen to the "Song of the Day" you receive 1 point (limit 1 per song)

Day of the Week: On this day you will receive 1 point for every alcoholic beverage consumed. You will receive 1/2 point for every hour not spent sleeping (12 a.m. to 12 a.m.). If you eat your chosen food on this day you will receive 5 points. If you watch an episode of Scrubs on this day you will receive 10 bonus points.

Food Item: It can be a snack or a meal. You will receive 3 points every time you eat this item (max: twice a day). (Note: If you choose jelly beans, you do not get 3 per jelly bean...you get 3 for eating jelly beans. If you choose pizza, it is not 3 per slice. It is 3 for getting pizza. etc..) If you eat this item on your chosen day you get 5 bonus points (see above). If you get someone else to eat this item with you then you receive 2 points per person. 1 point for every time you can work this food item into a joke on a blog comment on briaries.blogspot.com.

Joke: You will receive 1 point for every person you tell this joke to. You will receive 5 bonus points if the joke includes your chosen food item (you can post it on a blog comment once for an extra point as well). You will receive 2 points for every person who comes to the Fantasy Post on briaries.blogspot.com and writes the joke under comments.

Hope it doesn't come off as too complicated. At the beginning of each week (SUNDAY) you will post your team. On the next SUNDAY you can post results (I will do the point add up.) The winner each week will get a special blog post in their honor that week. Here is an example of what to post under comments:

TEAM BRIARIES

B-ri: 7 "briaries" visits, 3 Tasks, 5 comments, 6 Song of the Day
Saturday: 12 beers, 2 shots, 14 hours not sleeping, Ate Pizza, Watched Scrubs
Pizza: 4 Times, 4 people joined
Joke: 10 people, 2 People posted joke under comments

MY TOTAL: 102 points
(You do not need to calculate your total, I will do that)

So quick sum up, on Sunday pick the most recent post and under "comments" post your previous weeks results and your next weeks team. Good Luck!

(I understand today is Tuesday, you can post anytime this week and start fantasizing. On Sunday I need results and team for next week when we will start the full week extravaganza. This "short" week is a trial run.)


Song of the Day: "Love Hurts" by Incubus
Quote of the Day: "The tooth. The whole tooth. And nothing but the tooth." -A movie poster featuring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson with wings and wearing ice skates

My Weekly TV Review

Not much TV on this week, but, oh wait, CHRISTMAS!!!

So here is my Weekly TV review.

1. A Christmas Story Marathon on TBS: Does Ralphie beating the crap out of Scut Farkas ever get old?

2. Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer: How many people wish they were a misfit after watching this Christmas classic?

3. The Yule Log: Who needs a fire place?

4. Die Hard: Did anyone else forget this is technically a Christmas movie?

5. A Charlie Brown Christmas: How heartwarming is the song "Hark, The Herald Angels Sing"?

Hope everyone had a sweet holiday.

Song of the Day: "Keep It Going Louder" by Major Lazer

Quote of the Day: "I got the girls in the truck, 'bout 6 chicks deep, and you know if we rolling then its straight sexy." -Major Lazer, in the song "Keep It Going Louder"

A Look Back: 2009

As New Year's approaches I decided to take a look back on the year 2009.

- I became a college graduate.
- I drank over 2,500 beers.
- I watched over 730 episodes of Scrubs.
- Ate over 460 slices of pizza.
- Sent over 10,000 text messages.
- Added over 100 numbers into my phone.
- Told over 940 jokes.
- Made people laugh over 3,000 times.
- Made myself laugh over 30, 000 times.
- Listened to over 5, 450 songs.
- Went to the bathroom over 1,825 times.
- Read 3 books.
- Spent over 3,000 hours sleeping (over 125 days (about 1/3 of the year)).
- Drove over 12,000 miles.
- Posted on a blog 53 (about to be 54) times.
- Watched the Yankees win the World Series once.
- Won 2 rugby tournaments.
- Gave over 3,000 high fives.
- Won Monopoly over 9 times.
- Won Spades over 100 times.
- Won over 150 games of beer pong.
- Was hungover over 300 times.

Awesome year.

In a few days, it will turn 2010. I will attempt (and hopefully succeed) to document everything I do, everyday. Then next year I will have the actual numbers opposed to estimates.


Song of the Day: "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus
Quote of the Day: "I can't wait...to see you again." -Miley Cyrus, in her hit song "See You Again"

Saturday Night Mission Night

Saturday Night Game Night!

Another Mission Night for everyone, but first a quick note.

Note: Posts have been scattered and not completed to their full potential due to holidays and vacation. I will be back up to speed ASAP, I hope you continue to keep reading, even during the rough patches.

Mission Night:

Tonight's mission will contain 3 Tasks. I have gotten the tasks from a Heineken coaster I bartered from a friend.

1. Sometime tonight say, "this rounds on me."
2. Create your own happy hour. (to specify, pick an hour and drink solidly throughout with a big smile the entire time.)
3. While typing a text message to someone, say it out loud in front of someone who does not know anything about the particular text message. Do this three times. When asked who you are texting or what about, reply with "mind your own business, don't be rude."

The first two are from the coaster, you should drink a Heineken during the happy hour. The last one is something I did the other night. It was hilarious. Good Luck!!!

Song of the Day: "You Found Me" by The Fray (because I sang it like 10 times today on my new karaoke game)
Quote of the Day: "Look, all I'm saying is, there's more to healing than what's in the books. I talk to my patients, I sing to them...ask them what their hobbies are and tell them ghost stories about an old sea captain." -JD, in Scrubs, to Elliot about why he is a better doctor than her

"Social Experiment: Part Three"

Sorry, no post yesterday..whatevss.

"Social Experiment: Part Three"

Here is the continued documentation of my ongoing social experiment.

-How to earn respect from your peers:
1. Dress to Impress. It is as easy as it sounds. Look fresh to death, and everyone around you will be talking. Even in situations that require no formal wear, dress to impress nonetheless and the rest will think you're the best.
2. Take Home the Fattest Chick In A Bar. Whoa, a curve ball with this one, but here is the truth. As much as people will make fun of you afterward, you are the one who took home a chick. You will be able to handle all of the abuse because hey, you just got laid and you were hammered (you will need to be to go through with this one.) This will lead to mucho respecto from your amigos, even if it is embarrassingo.
3. Buy a Round. When they say money can't buy you respect, hell, they aint ever been to Vegas. Or for that matter, any bar. If you buy a round at the bar anyone who has that shot will love you for the rest of the night. And probably well after that. Buying a drink for someone at the bar is a sacred thing, and a connection is made that is unlike no other. This is why us fellas always buy drinks for girls at a bar, to make a connection (not to get her drunk enough to follow you home). So if you want respect from everyone around, buy one (a round).
4. Respect others. If you let people know that you respect them, then much respect your way. For example, if I say to you "hey, your the man." They will most likely come back with "No, your the man." Your response should be "You're right." Now they know that you know that you are the man and the respect is there. The more people you show love and respect, the more that is coming back in return. So lend a hand, become a fan, command the room and demand that you in fact, are da man.

I went with some cool sayings there to help you remember how to command respect from everyone around. Respect in social situations is important. Get people to laugh with you over a drunken encounter, or bro out, or just make yourself come off as a wholesome awesome person, and you will be a social pro in no time.

Song of the Day: "Beautiful" by Akon
Quote of the Day: "You're ganna shoot your eye out kid" -Santa Claus, in A Christmas Story, referring to Ralphie wanting a Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas

Alphabet Soup

Another round of Alphabet Soup (Tuesday make-up)

I will choose a topic and then go through it alphabetically.

Topic: Avatar

A Walk To Remember boring
B ook club meeting boring
C aring for old people boring
D VRing Opera boring
E nding the night alone boring
F ish Fillet from McDonalds boring
G oing to see Avatar boring
H aving nothing to do boring
I nteresting, but boring
J am sandwich with no peanut butter boring
K eeping up with episodes of The Ghost Whisper boring
L ove Actually boring
M urder, She Wrote boring
N ot able to pay attention in class because it is so boring boring
O ne shot at a bar boring
P ersian Rug shopping boring
Q uitting your job through e-mail boring
R unning on the treadmill boring
S miling for the camera boring
T rivia without alcohol involved boring
U mbrellas in the rain boring
V isually stunning yet still incredibly boring boring
W hy do people like IMAX and 3D boring
X -Men Origins: Wolverine boring
Y ielding for oncoming traffic boring
Z ebra's without lion's chasing them boring


Song of the Day: "Love Hurts" by Incubus
Quote of the Day: "Merry Christmas" -Santa Claus, after saying "Ho, Ho, Ho"

Mad Libs

Sorry, no post last night and no television post this week.

Here is a mad lib. Fill in the numbered blanks with a word described on the bottom. Then read the hilarious story.

Mad Libs

One day there was a ___1____ boy. He lived in ____2______ forest. Sometimes this boy liked to ______3_____. On this particular day, it was very ______4_____ out. Because of this it was hard to see ______5_____. The police set up road blockades on ____6_____ Avenue. They did not want any ______7______ to get through. There were rumors that werewolves were living in the area. They were ______8____ and _____9_____ werewolves that like to eat _______10________. So the _____11_____ boy snuck by the road blockade and entered the forest that he called his home. After __12____ minutes he ran into a ____13_____ werewolf. He ___14_____ the werewolf and they lived happily ever after.

10 years later the werewolf and the boy made a movie about their exploits. The movie was called _____15____ ____16_____ ____17_____ and was very successful in the box office. The sequel comes out next year and stars ______18_____ and _____19_______.


Fill-Ins

1. Adjective:
2. Adjective:
3. Verb:
4. Adjective:
5. Plural Noun:
6. Porn Star First Name:
7. Noun:
8. Adjective:
9. Adjective:
10. Noun:
11. Adjective:
12. Number:
13. Adjective:
14. Past Tense Verb:
15. Verb
16. Adjective
17. Noun
18. Actor Name:
19. Actress Name:


Song of the Day: "Blood" by Band of Skulls
Quote of the Day: "Live every week like it's shark week." -Tracy Morgan, on the hit show 30 Rock

Your mission, if you choose to accept it

Saturday Night Game Night!

Mission Night:

Tonight there will be five tasks to be completed for your mission.
1. Nod your head like yea. I'm not kidding. You will listen somehow, someway to the song "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus and you will nod your like yea, moving your hips like yea.
2. Pray Drew Brees has an unsuccessful evening, but the Saints still win. It is important for the Cowboys to lose, but as I am against Drew Brees in fantasy playoffs this week you must say a little prayer for me and root hardcore that the saints defense and rushing game and special teams. (I will take Cowboys losing over Drew Brees blowing up, but still praying for the best of both worlds (Miley shout out))
3. Drink a Heineken or Heineken Light. It's just a good beer.
4. Ask a complete stranger if they have ever heard of the movie Hook. No matter their response say, "I thought so."
5. When leaving your friends for the evening, Vulcan Salute followed by the classic "Live long and prosper." Make sure to have a dead serious face.

Good Luck!

Song of the Day: "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie
Quote of the Day: "We're in the Nazi killing business. And business is a boomin." -Aldo "the Apache" Raine, in the movie Inglorious Basterds

How To Be Successful At Solitaire

I was going to write some more jokes. The biggest joke was me trying to write jokes. So I will leave you with something I wrote last year. (This piece will continue the progression of turning me into someone you can in no way, shape, or form trust. It was written solely for comedic purposes and does not reflect my character in any way, shape, or form.)

How To Be Successful At Solitaire

Well, it has come to my attention that not everyone is as good at games as I am. I’m a winner and winning is what I do. Not everyone can be a winner when playing multiplayer games. Team games have been invented to try to produce a more efficient outcome (more winners) in gaming situations. However, there is one game that can result in everyone being a winner. This game is solitaire.

So you have a deck of cards and boredom has set in. No one else is around; it’s a beautiful evening. It is time to play some solitaire. Solitaire is the one of the easiest, challenging games ever. It can be hard, but it should be impossible to lose. I can hear the gasps now. Everyone thinking in their heads, “hey I’ve lost at solitaire before,” or “what are you talking about Brian, it is possible to lose.” Well clearly you have not read this analysis. The key to always winning at solitaire is simple: cheat.

Cheating in games is one of the best ways to get ahead. You see it everywhere in the real world and on television. Businessmen cheat for money and boyfriends cheat on girlfriends and vice versa. Cheating is a very important concept in the world of gaming. Have you ever won a video game because you used cheat codes? Its fantastic and although some can argue a false sense of accomplishment, if you feel like a winner, you are a winner. There is however one, and only one downside to cheating: getting caught.

Getting caught cheating is one of the most humiliating things that can happen. Be it by your teacher on that Geography quiz last week because you didn’t know where Tasmania was or by your girlfriend at the carnival while you were macking it to her suite mate on the Ferris wheel, it is just downright terrible. This is why solitaire is so great. Cheat, cheat, cheat. You can’t get caught. You can only get caught by yourself, but you will be so happy about winning the game you will not even care.

So if you want to win at solitaire- cheat. It can be as simple as switching a card here or there or simply changing the rules of the game slightly in your favor. If you can find a way to cheat and not get caught in other games- go for it. I cheat all the time. Whether it be double dropping in Connect Four, removing my battleship from Battleship, stealing money in Monopoly (easiest when banker), holding onto extra letters in Scrabble, bottom dealing cards in Poker, look at other peoples paper in Boggle, changing positions of pieces in Chess, giving my opponent the broken controller in Halo, using my hands in Hungry Hungry Hippos, weighted dice in Yahtzee, or mouthing answers to my partner in Cranium- I am and always will be a winner.

(Note: Although I have clearly stated this does not truly reflect my character, in the spirit of honesty, I do, in fact, cheat at solitaire. I do not cheat elsewhere. I do not need to. Like as stated above, I am a winner. I do not need to cheat to win. Except in solitaire.)

Song of the Day: "Mother We Just Can't Get Enough" by The New Radicals

Quote of the Day: "I hate 3D and IMAX. I will never go see another 3d or Imax movie again." -B-ri (me), after watching Avatar on IMAX and 3D (I also now get why they capitalize IMAX, "Imax" just doesn't cut it)

"Social Experiment: Part Two"

Sorry, no post yesterday..whatevss.

"Social Experiment: Part Two"

Here is the continued documentation of my ongoing social experiment.

-How to get someone to believe...anything:
That is right, folks, most people are more gullible then they will lead you to believe. In my experiences, getting people to believe ridiculous things is 92% effective when closely following these steps.
1. Commit. Once you find yourself in a situation where you are lying, you must immediately make a decision. It is much like poker. You do not just bet small and call when you know you are beat, you either fold or you go big for the bluff. If you are not willing to go all-in to sell your bluff, then get out. Once you commit to your lie and decide to go all in you will be fully able to proceed to the next steps to get people to believe...anything.
2. Digress. As you are explaining something that you know is not true, but want your victim to believe you must digress. Get off topic during the explanation to make it seem like fluid thoughts, not something you are making up on the spot. For example, the other night I was explaining to someone how an ambulance got its name. I was trying to make him believe it is from medieval times where jousters would use their "lance" and when they hurt their arms they had to use their other ones, thus making them "ambi"dextrous. The carts used to bring the losers away were called "ambulances." During my explanation I started talking about the movie A Knights Tale among other things. Since I digressed it was hard for my victim to think to thoroughly about the ridiculousness of my fabricated story and he now believes that is how ambulances got their name. (the term ambulance is actually from the latin word ambulare meaning to walk or move about)
3. Ask questions. "You never heard about this?" Among others exclamatory questions, this is a good ploy to act surprised and make it seem like common knowledge. You can go the other route and ask questions like "You want to hear a fun fact?" This makes it seem like it is something you know and enjoy sharing with people because it is interesting. Ending with "Interesting, right?" is a great move to. Make them admit they believe it and they will. If your are lying about something you did, you can use this question method as well. "Why would I do that?" These type of questions allow for you to put them on the spot instead of you and thus creating the illusion that you are right and they are wrong. When they find themselves fumbling for answers to your questions you can swoop in and take them out with your story that you have fully committed to using digressions to seal the deal.
4. Partner up. This is very good for beginners. If you can get someone to join in and confirm the lie and go along with it, and possibly even come up with some material, it should be easy to convince someone of anything. Down the road you will want to be able to fly solo so that instead of using someone to help you, you can convince multiple people of whatever you want, but partnering up is a solid move, especially for first-timers.

So get out there, make some stuff up and remember...commit. You will get people believing every word you say in no time. When you hear someone telling another the lie that you told them, you know you have become a master.

(Note: I understand this post will pretty much lose me credibility with every word I speak, however, it is an advanced dynamic to my social experiment.)


Song of the Day: "Run" by Gnarls Barkley
Quote of the Day: "Let's get Avatarded in here" -Jimmy Fallon

Alphabet Soup

I wrote poems (ugh) last Tuesday as my most unfavorite post thus far, which is going to happen. Decided to continue the Tuesday theme of creative writing, however.

Alphabet Soup

In this peice, possibly reocurring, I will pick a topic and go through it alphabetically. Enjoy!

Topic: MTV's Jersey Shore

A nnoyingly stupid

B ring It On: In It to Win It stupid

C elebrity gossip stupid

D ish network stupid

E vil Villain stupid

F ucking stupid

G eorge W. Bush stupid

H ammer-to-the-thumb stupid

I diots guide to stupid

J urassic Park's idea to recreate the tyranasaurus rex stupid

K imber from Nip/Tuck stupid

L ady GaGa's outfits stupid

M iles and miles and miles of stupid

N ever not stupid

O wning a blackberry stupid

P laxico Burress stupid

Q uickly becoming more and more stupid

R ichard Heene Stupid

S --ahh can't think of one for this letter.

T oupee stupid

U nfortunatley popular stupid

V oldemort thinking he can kill Harry stupid

W ile E. Coyote stupid

X -factor contestants stupid

Y odeling on a glacier stupid

Z o ztupid I forgot to laugh stupid

Song of the Day: "Electric Feel" by MGMT
Quote of the Day: "I'm sounding worse than Jessica Simpson right now. She's looking like a rock scientist." -Tara Reid (old quote, but fits with whole stupid thing)

My Weekly TV Review

My Top 5 TV Shows of the Week:

1. Dexter: Say whaaaaaaaat!!!???

2. Community: How fun can a show get?

3. Modern Family: Didn't you think an episode about christmas almost getting cancelled would be depressing and not absolutley hilarious?

4. Californication: Is Hank Moody a ticking time bomb, or does he just like to bang?

5. Glee: How cool was that final dance scene which paid homage to a great inaugural season of what could be a bit of a revolutionary show?

Honorary Mention: Scrubs (that is how good TV was this week (finales)), The Office, Friday Night Lights

Song of the Day: "Rocket Man" by Elton John

Quote of the Day: "Destination: Horror." -Sue Sylvestor, to Shuster on fall finale of Glee

Last Night

Made some memories last night, allow me to share:

Upon getting carded I did wink at the bouncer and say "Doesn't he look adorable?"...Twice. Very funny responses. Response 1: "Haha this guy?" Response 2: "Yea, yea" as he motioned me inside

I was waiting with a friend while they smoked a cigarette outside and a mini-van was driving by honking with a rabbi and a girl inside yelling happy chanukah and asking if people were jewish. I went over and wished them a happy chanukah and they were like "We have gelt!" and I was like "You have gelt?" and he looks at me, dead straight and goes "We are Jews. We have the gelt." 

I met a girl from Hawaii at a bar. I am going to Hawaii in January. I spent the remainder of my night asking her about Hawaii and got lots of important information. During conversation I was able to flash my charm and hilarity with questions such as "Where can I get leid?" and "How do locals feel about me wearing Hawaiin shirts? Should I bring my own from here or is that tacky, should I buy a Hawaiin shirt there?" She asked if I was going to take a hike, so I walked away. I think we spent 10 minutes going back and forth her trying to teach me how to say Hawai'i the proper way. 

I found a blowhorn in the bar and a friend of mine (who ditched me later in the night) decided to blow it in the bar as much as possible. We found out it belonged to a group of three girls. One was dressed as a reindeer. The other looked like a mermaid. The last was a lesbian. So I came up with this start to a joke: "A mermaid, a reindeer, and a lesbian walk into a bar." I will continue the joke on another day. I will try to come up with different ways to go with it. If you have any ideas feel free to post joke under comments.

Song of the Day: "Walking On A Dream" by Empire of the Sun

Quote of the Day: ""He spent his life killing innocent people, but he can't kill bambi!?" -Dexter, about John Lithgow's character, in the hit show Dexter, whose finale airs tonight on Showtime at 9 pm eastern. 

Mission Imimpossible

Saturday Night Game Night!!!

I have, every now and then, had a Saturday Night Mission Night with a friend. I send him tasks throughout the night, via text, and he needs to accomplish as many tasks as possible. I will play tonight and possibly document my experiences tomorrow. I encourage anyone who reads this to do the same.

Mission Night:

Tonight there will be three tasks to be completed for your mission.

1. 3 tequila shots. Each in a different hour of the night. Each with a different person.

2. Ask for a phone number (do not need to be successful) from a blonde girl, about 5'8" and wearing jeans. 

3. If you encounter a bouncer, when he looks at your id repeat this phrase and then give him a wink- "Isn't he just adorable?" 

Good Luck!

Song of the Day: "Manos Al Aire" by Nelly Furtado

Quote of the Day: "Yea you like you'd have to. I'm not surprised you said that." -Joel McHales character in Community (Jeff) to his spanish teacher upon being told his Spanish teacher was very good at pleasuring his hot wife

Ok, jokes or Ok jokes

Jokes! (literally starting to type and hoping something comes to me)

I ran into a friend of mine the other day that I hadn't seen in a while. That's why I ran into him, I didn't see him. 

A guy pulled over while I was walking my dog and asked for directions. I told him to "get lost." He was.

Is it possible to eat a whole bagel? What about a bagel hole?

Vampires are so in right now that I am out of jokes about them.

Nevermind. Vampire jokes are easy. What is pale, old, and sleeps during the day?

Old people!

Would a blind, nocturnal vampire be able to see its reflection in the daytime?

Tiger Woods needs to find new sponsers since his recent scandal is sure to bring about problems with nike and gatorade among others. Rumors have it Cialis is after him to come out with a new brand of male enhancement pills called Tigers Wood. 

If you purposely drive your car into another car, is it still called an accident?

Ok, I got some others in the works, but they were not coming out as I hoped so I will save them.

Song of the Day: "(If you're wondering if I want you to) I want you to" by Weezer 

Quote of the Day: "Oh Michael, it must be obvious how wrong this is." -Toby, from the Office, to Michael Scott on him dressing up as Jesus 

"Social Experiment: Part One"

Sorry, no post yesterday..whatevss.

"Social Experiment: Part One"

I, for the past year or so, have been conducting what I describe as a social experiment. I have only told a few people here and there about it, and only as a part of the social experiment. I have decided to finally share with the world my findings and motives and well everything about it. Today I will reveal one motive and part of the experiment. 

-How to get people to do stuff for you:

That is right. All of those who know me are not surprised in the least. However, I have tried many things and many ways to try and get people to do stuff for me. I will name the top three ways to get people to do stuff for you.

1. Be subtle. If someone is sitting in a seat that you wish to sit in, then ask them to get up while having another conversation. Make it come out of left field so the person doesn't have a chance to think about it. This could cause them to do something that they may not want to do and in your favor.

2. Flip flop it. Let them call you out on trying to swindle a chair from them. Then after they call you out and think they got you...bam you flip flop. Get emotional. "I'm sorry, no, its just I was sitting on this other chair and my back is killing me, I just want to have a good time. I just thought as a good friend you might, I don't know, switch chairs for a little while." Bam, now they feel bad and that chair is as good as yours.

3. Barter. Find something that you don't really want and make it seem appealing. Then offer it in exchange for what you want. I usually bring an extra beer with me to casual hang outs for this very purpose. Bonus if you bring a beer you don't like, so you are never upset about giving it up. Another part of bartering could be to give someone a beer, say, in the beginning of the night. Then you keep the "hey, come on, I gave you a beer earlier" card in your pocket for later. 

That concludes "Part One" of my social experiment. Much more to come. 

Song of the Day: "Tick Tock" by Kesha

Quote of the Day: "The party don't start till I walk in." -Kesha, in her hit song Tick Tock

14 minutes, what shall I think about?

Poems!!!

I have 14 minutes before the day is over, so I am writing these poems super quickly!

In the land of ice and snow

Falling

A world, with remorse and ineptitude

Shadows in the light of darkness

The darkness speaks

Falling

As a hand brushes our shoulder

Falling

Is the dirt of my shoulders

Not off of my shoulders, of my shoulders

Speaking the words of the darkness

Falling

A subtle tone, a simple beat

We are all inferior

We are all

Falling. 

That one is called "Falling"

Lightning strikes

Winds blow

Thunder thunders

Mountains grow

Water calms

Deserts heat

Volcano erupts

Drums beat

Internet connects

Iphones app

Government rules

First one was free verse, second had a rhyme scheme and another scheme for you to figure out (has to do with plurals). The first one is about how no matter how good we think we are doing we live in a world where we cannot succeed and leads to a conclusion that you should not take for granted small battles won, they are all you got. The second one is a poem that could have been updated over the past millions of years. It is untitled. It is about how things are and will do what they are and will do. It leads to a conclusion that things change and everyday something new will arrive. I chose to not write a final sentence. One reason could be to emphasize governments control of our lives. Another reason is for you to come up with one on your own. Same with the title. Things are what they are, it is up to you what you do with them (message of the poem).

Song of the Day: "No Rain" by Blind Melon

Quote of the Day: "Are you kidding me!?" -a kid in one of my soccer classes, he stated this quote after every single thing I said to him (to be fair I was kidding him most of the time)

My Weekly TV Review

My Top 5 TV Shows of the week:

1. Scrubs: Great comeback, hilarious as ever, but what happens when Zach Braff is no longer around?

2. Dexter: Is any show more anticipated, and has any show surpassed highest of expectations week after week like this one?

3. Friday Night Lights: Wildcat Offense, Paintball, Minka Kelly, Dramatic Breakdown, Miss Texas, what else could you ask for?

4. It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: If almost every character on a show makes an argument for the funniest character on television, is it the funniest comedy?

5. White Collar: Why can't other shows be this fun while still dropping bombs on us, week after week?

Honorable mention: Community, The Office, Glee, Californication

I decided to try out the question thing. Might keep it, might try something different next week.

Quote of the Day: "I know Kung-Fu." -Chuck, from NBC's Chuck, on learning Kung Fu

Song of the Day: "Cobrastyle" by Teddybears ft. Mad Cobra

It is not as long as it looks

i already got some bloggers block.

Song of the Day: "Party And Bullshit In The USA" -Miley Cyrus and Notorious B.I.G. Mashup

Quote of the Day: "We're lucky people laugh when I say stuff." -Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock 

 here is a little something i wrote last year:

“Tonight’s Game”

By Brian Pinto

B: Hello and welcome to Caged-In Stadium. My name is Bob Brave and I’m here with the great Jack Benimble.

J: Good to be here Bob.

B: Tonight we have a quite the match-up between the Arctic Werewolves and the Hackensack Humans. Both teams have really surprised us this year and this should be a good match-up.

J: That’s right, Bob. It could get ugly out there, but I think we’re in for some real exciting stuff.

B: Well, lets get started with tonight’s starting lineup. Playing centerfield and leading off for the Humans is Chet the Cheetah. Chet leads the league in stolen bases, but has had trouble with balls up against the wall.

J: I guess cheetahs aren’t great climbers.

B: Yes, I read that to. Online. Batting second and playing third base is Ziggy the Zebra. He has been having an incredible defensive year although he seems to be in a tiff with the shortstop.

J: Well, I was talking to someone in the clubhouse earlier, Bob, and he told me Lucas the Lion tried to eat Ziggy after Wednesday nights record setting 7 hour, 24 inning ball game.

B: He must have been pretty hungry to put his career in jeopardy like that. Well hopefully they can settle their differences. Lucas “the king” the Lion is batting third and playing shortstop. Batting cleanup and playing left field is Big “Bad Boy” Billy the Bear. Bad Boy Billy now leads the league in home runs after scoring that inside the park home run last week in Tampa.

J: What amazed me was he hit a soft grounder back to the first basemen. Something about Bad Boy Billy just scared off the first basemen and no one was willing to get close enough to make the tag.

B: Yea, you bearly ever see that.

J: That’s funny, Bob.

B: Thanks, Jack.

B: Batting fifth and our designated hitter, is Reilly “The Rhinoceros” the Rhino. Reilly has what we think is the most uncreative nickname and the thickest skin in the game.

J: Yea, he’s been receiving a lot of bashing in the media this week because of that whole horn incident.

B: That’s right Jack, let’s just say he is not the musician we thought he was, but he is still out there smiling. Batting sixth is catcher Otis the Orangutan. He has had a very up and down year, Jack. Be quick and tell us what has been happening.

J: Well Bob, after coming over from Indonesia 2 years ago, he has been feeling habitually ill. He has missed 5 games this season, refusing to come down from a tree each time.

B: I guess he really has had an up and down season.

J: That’s funny, Bob.

B: Thanks Jack. Batting seventh is second basemen Prince the Penguin. He is new to the team after being brought up from the minors a couple days ago. He gets his first start tonight. Batting behind him at number 8 is first basemen Gary the Giraffe. Though a liability at the plate, his reach at first base is easily the best in the league.

J: I believe he has trouble seeing the ball and being a tall guy his large strike zone makes him easy to pitch to.

B: Yea, Gary actually was an all-star basketball player at Duke, but chose baseball because he killed a guy accidentally by kicking him in the skull going up for a rebound. He’s a great guy though and a hell of a first basemen.

J: Yea, he would stick his neck out for anybody.

B: That’s funny Jack.

J: Thanks, Bob.

B: And of course, batting ninth, our man we love to hate, playing right field Sammy the Seal.

J: Man I love that Sammy. He is one hell of a crowd pleaser. He got into some trouble though last week for putting on a show for the fans during game play.

B: Ha, that’s right. He was doing his famous clap and bark when a ball got hit his way.

J: He had no idea it was coming.

B: That play alone may have cost the Humans that game.

J: Yea, but in his defense fans kept throwing fish out to him. Why were they throwing fish?

B: Well everyone knows Sammy is quite a seally seal.

J: That’s funny Bob.

B: Thanks, Jack.

Finally, a sign of winter.

snow! 

"and lots of it, kids!" -Chevy Chase's character in the Nickelodeon hit movie "Snow Day"

This is what us in the biz call a curve ball. (Putting the quote of the day right there in the beginning). Had to do it, any chance to quote my favorite Nickelodeon movie starring Chevy Chase, Chris Elliot, Josh Peck, and Iggy Pop (yes, kids, the same Iggy Pop that imdb describes as "Legendary Rock 'n' Roll wildman and substance abuser") I must take advantage of. 

Anyway, it snowed today- great news for skiers and blowboarders everywhere. (I wrote blowboard instead of snowboard because snowboarders, well, blow. (im crafty).) 

O, and I forgot to mention:  Yesterday's song of the day, though I thought was quite random, came on in the bar I was at last night. This may seem like no big deal, but allow me to explain. I am watching the tv show "Las Vegas" (highly recommended) and am currently in season 4 which aired in 2007. I heard the John Legend song in one of those episodes. I proceeded to make it my song of the day. THAT VERY NIGHT I am in a bar, that I have frequented in the past, that usually plays a pretty standard and repetitive playlist (including hits like Miley Cyrus' Party in the USA and that Sweet Caroline song written and performed by Mr. Neil Diamond and the Counting Crows song that everyone knows called Mr. Jones- incidentally I know a Mr. Jones and he does tell fairytales while staring at beautiful women) and this John Legend song, comes on. Now, let me pose a crazy thought. The maker of the playlist, yes the very creator of the mix of songs that comes on IN THE BAR, is a reader of the blog. This may or may not be true, and is probably untrue due to the incredible length of connections, random chatter, and lucky browsing it would take for him to encounter briaries in only its first 2 days of existence, BUT still pretty darn cool. 

I had a few more snow/blow jokes, but I just don't think I have the energy after typing the above paragraph. 

Song of the Day: "Taylor" by Jack Johnson (because the video is hilarious- check it out)

Boo Yah!

day 2!

I am excited for the end of this week because I am excited for the start of next week. My brother is moving to South Carolina and my parents are going away for the week to help him move. 

Quick sidenote- my house is the kind of house that we buy our tree on 12/24 and its on the curb 12/26. Not much decorations for christmas in my house. But this year...everything will change.

While my parents are away I have decided I am going to deck the hell out of my house with everything christmas/chanukah. Im talking lights - inside and outside- santa, reindeer, snow globes, stockings, reefs, mistletoe, ornaments, christmas tree (with a big star on top), snow machine, menorahs, dreidels, yamulkes, and anything else I can think of. I am going to make christmas mixes galore- including all the songs from the chipmunks. My personal favorite christmas song- Jingle Bell Rock- will be heavily featured. The holiday spirit is strong in this man (me) and lets just say my parents aren't going to know what hit them. Boo yah! (i feel like "boo yah" is not used that much anymore so I encourage everyone to attempt to use it in the next few days in an attempt to "bring it back")

Song of the Day: "Save Room" by John Legend

Quote of the Day: "In the sixth sense theres a twist. You found out that the guy in the end was Bruce Willis the whole time." -Charlie, IASIP

Big Ideas

I will include a "Song of the Day" after each post! 

I am thinking something like a "THIS WEEK IN TV" segment once a week or something. 

LOST SPOILERS!

I am going to make strong attempts to post daily. This means I will attempt, in a strong manner, to post everyday. 

First step: blog. Second step: diet and excercise. 

(The above is things I would like to do on a daily basis.)

I will create a "choose your own ending" story at some point in the blog. I have it all planned out, just need to plan it out.

I may also try to include a quote of the day, if I can think of one. 

Briaries!!!

Song of the day: "I'm A Player" by KGB

Quote of the Day: "I may also try to incude a quote of the day, if I can think of one." -b-ri

                          

The Beginning

Briaries is here! Diaries of Brian, or B-ri as I will refer to myself as from this point forward, is just you know my thoughts. I'm laughing all the time and I like to think if people could hear my thoughts they would be laughing also. So...enjoy!